What I Learned In My Twenties

As I sit here closing one chapter of my life and getting ready to start another, I've had some time to reflect over what I have learned and experienced in the last decade. I got married at age 20, and then had to learn that everyday of your marriage isn't like your wedding day it takes hard work, love, determination, prayer, tears, and lots of patience to sustain a great marriage. I learned how to love unconditionally in October of 2003 when I found out SURPRISE we were expecting our first child, though not planed by us but planned by God the best surprise of my life. I learned that I was an excellent parent before I had children...my children were never going to throw tantrums, because I would always lovingly get down to eye level and explain the whys and how comes to prevent frustration...then my child turned 3 and I found myself at times in public completely mortified at my tantruming toddler who didn't have any interest in an explanation, he just wanted to do things his way! ( now into my second round of toddler tantrums I don't find myself mortified of my child's behavior. Funny how much you learn to relax the second time around!) I learned that an " I wuv you" can turn an awful day into a wonderful one. I learned God's timing is not my timing through many frustrating lessons. The first was trying to get pregnant with our second child...when you get pregnant on birth control you assume when you are actually trying it would happen right away. It took seven months of my impatience trying to make it my way, calendars, ovulation testing kits...it wasn't until I was in tears praying one night and cried out to God that I couldn't take this disappointment month after month anymore all I wanted was a baby right now. That night I surrendered all my plans to God and said if it is your will to bless us with another child we will praise you. If we are only meant to have been blessed with one child, we will praise you. I got pregnant the following month, and started to learn a new lesson. A strong-willed child may behave that way even in the womb. I had a difficult pregnancy. Most was spent on bed rest due to degenerative disk disease, and the towards the end preeclampsia. I would have to go in weekly for non-stress tests to monitor Ryan's heart rate and for contractions. Not once was Ryan agreeable to this every time he would hide so they couldn't find his heart beat and would have to do ultrasounds to find him. I should have realized then what I was getting into with this kid! Ryan was born 5.5 weeks early he wasn't breathing when he was born and they had to bag him to get him breathing and rush him to NICU, thankfully he started breathing and I was able to hear him cry before he left my room. I have never in my life known fear like that and pray I never have to experience it again. Within 24 hours he was off the nasal cannula and four days later was able to come home. I've dealt with anxiety and some depression though manageable most of my life. When Ryan was one I was diagnosed bi-polar I have never felt so out of control before. But once again, my God is mighty to save and he saw us through a very scary and dark time of hospitalizations, not being able to see my kids, and trying to find the correct medications. God put in our path amazing physicians who helped me crawl out of the despair and find the light again. In my twenties I sadly had to say goodbye to my grandfather. It was hard to say goodbye, but I feel so blessed that he got to spend so much time with his great-grandsons and that they both have memories of him and talk about him regularly it just warms my heart that they remember him, love him, and talk about seeing him again in heaven. As hard as it was to say goodbye, it was wonderful to say hello to new family members. When I married my husband, I inherited another set of parents, two sets of grandparents, a brother and a sister. About two years ago I gained two more sisters when my brother married his wife and my brother-in-law married his wife. I found out in my twenties, that I will become an aunt for the first time in my thirties. My brother and sister-in-law are expecting my first niece or nephew this spring and I couldn't be more excited.

The final year of my twenties has by far been the most difficult and the most rewarding. I took responsibility for my life to make it better. I started seeing a christian therapist to help me work through my anxiety, depression, and other mental emotional issues. After weekly and sometimes twice weekly sessions we have now decided to make the visits monthly, and continue to taper off from there. I lost 100lbs this year and am on my way to being much healthier, I feel great and I love being able to be more active! My big goal was to be able to run a 5k before I turned 30 but my back started causing a lot of pain so after a third round of radio frequency ablation on my SI joints and an MRI to determine the cause of my thoracic pain we found out it was just muscular and nothing some hard work and physical therapy couldn't fix. So I am in my second week of PT and already have 50% more mobility than I did when I started two weeks ago. In the last month I really feel like I'm pulling out of a haze I've been living under and rediscovering who I am, and I couldn't be happier. The biggest lesson I learned in my twenties is to put my trust and faith in God alone. I can't handle everything life throws at me on my own but God can and He will if I am willing to step aside and let Him. The other lesson God has taught me this year is that His ways are not my ways and His timing is not my timing. And life goes much more smoothly when I am willing to stop fighting to have things my way and let God be in control.

So as I look ahead to the next chapter of my life, it is not with fear of getting older, but with excitement to see what God has in store for me. I'm excited to be starting this new chapter having a new outlook on life, a closer relationship with God,  being healthy physically and mentally, a deeper love for my husband, and the pure joy of watching my children grow.

And besides 30 is the new 20;)