Lost...

Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.

- Harry S. Truman

I feel lost in just about everything right now. Lost in my ability as a mother, a wife, a friend. Lost in depression, sorrow, and anxiety. Lost in a drug induced haze from a horrible medication I am trying to withdraw from. Wondering where the next phase of my life is going to take me, the list goes on and on...Plain and simple, I feel lost, wondering around trying to find my way out, but just finding dead ends lost. As I was thinking about this tonight it reminded me of one of my favorite childhood memories. When I was a little girl my aunt and uncle and two little cousins were living in London, England. The July when I was 5-years-old my family traveled "across the pond" for a visit. I have a lot of great memories from this trip, but one of my favorites is the day my daddy took just me to go and explore some castles and gardens. When were able to go through this amazing maze created by very tall hedges. We wondered through it for awhile eventually running into the same people over and over again. All lost. All trying to find a way out. Well my daddy is a tall man, and when a tall man puts his 5-year-old daughter on his shoulders it gives you the ability to see over the hedges and find your way out. 25 years later I don't remember how long we were actually in the maze but to a 5-year-old it doesn't take long for it to seem like an eternity and for the fear and anxiety to start to set in. But I never truly needed to fear we were lost for good, I was with my daddy and he never let anything bad happen to me. He found our way and led us out safely. I'm all but 30 now, but I'm still my daddy's little girl and more importantly than teaching me how to find my way out of a maze, my parents have taught me to take every worry, fear, and anxiety to my Heavenly Father. 

Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:25-33(NIV)

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

So if my Heavenly Father cares enough to make sure the sparrow finds his food. Then I know without a doubt He will pick me up and carry me on his shoulders out of this maze I have lost myself in. Because even if I can't find me right now, Christ knows exactly where I am and will hold me until my legs are steady enough for me to walk again.  I'll leave you with a quote from a very wise women, Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt ~With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.

His strength is perfect
When our strength is gone
He'll carry us
When we can't carry on
Raised in His power
The weak become strong
His strength is perfect
His strength is perfect

Let Go, Let God, and be Forever Held,

MKAYL

A baby changes everything

This week I got a phone call I've been dreaming of for two long years. You see it has been two years now since my brother and my SIL An, and my husbands brother have gotten married. For the last two years I have been " Wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin' Plannin' and dreamin' each night" that I would get the call that I would be an aunt for the first time. Well that call came very early Wednesday morning. My baby brother called to tell me the wonderful news, that this spring I will indeed be an auntie! I am yet to stop grinning and praising God for this little miracle growing inside my sister. I can't wait to see my brother and An as parents. my brother is a great uncle and An is amazing with kids. oh fun story the first time i met An we were coming over to my parents for brunch to meet her and to get our boys who had spent the night. when we go close to my parents house it was surrounded by fire trucks. the alarm clock in my brothers room had started an electrical fire in the wall. had An not been there my brother might not be here today, as he was asleep at the time. if that doesn't make her amazing enough she also brought my kids out of the house and kept an eye on them while my parents talked to the rescue workers. clearly i think she is amazing:) did i mention she bakes too? For anyone that has met them you know that God designed them perfectly to complement each other, so I can only imagine how awesome this little peanut will be!
This is going to be one very well loved and spoiled kid, she(my guess), is already prayed over daily by her family, her family that consists of 4 big cousins all boys, 3 aunts, 3 uncles, 2sets of grandparents, great grandparents, and many more extended family already in love with this little peanut, God is SO Good!

Dear precious little one,
         You are so so tiny and yet already covered in love and prayer. God has created you for a special reason, I know this is true because he tells us so in Jeremiah 139:13-18 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body;all the days ordained for me were written in your book    before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. when I awake, I am still with you." Before any of us knew you were to be, Our father already knew every detail about you, your name the color of your eyes, even the numbers of hairs the will be on your head. Jesus loves you little one, and so do I, grow strong and then as the ice of winter melts away and the crocus' and daffodils start to peak through the cold ground and remind us of new life. Then too will we be able to great you and celebrate your new life. 
I love you,
Aunt MKAYL